I’m sick of being fat.

I almost left this post titleless. In fact this is the fourth time I’ve written this paragraph because well, really, who wants to admit we’re fat? I wasn’t always fat either and I still wouldn’t call myself obese. At least I don’t think. I’d like to consider myself pleasantly plump. I’d also like to tell you that I’m happy with who I am and what I look like but then I’d be lying to both of us.

See this post has taken some time. I had to get here. I had to be embarrassed,Β  ashamed, and well, damn near fed up crying in the mirror to get here. I kept telling myself that if Hubby didn’t care then neither did I. I don’t really gain weight with my lifestyle- I gain weight with my pregnancies and then I don’t lose it. I should mention I gain massive amounts of weight with my pregnancies.

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Β With Johnny I gained 85 pounds. EIGHTY FIVE!!! My 115 pound body hit 200 pounds. In 8 months. For real. Then, when I had him I did nothing to lose it. It took a year but I was young and always moving and I lost 55 pounds of it. And stayed there. Then 5 years and 8 months later I got pregnant again and gained 70 pounds thinking this time it would come off fast. I was even getting married just three months later and I still did nothing afterwards to help it progress. I lost 40 of it keeping an additional 30 pounds on the 30 I still had from the last time.

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I went through a few months where I joined a gym and started working out daily with a friend. In 3 months I had lost 20 pounds and was doing great. Then I fell. I was walking over a half built deck and lost my balance and fell. My shin hit one of the 2×4’s and I landed on my shin leaving me with a bruised bone. It took months to heal and by the time it did I was just starting a long road of fertility treatments. Those treatments had me in the mind frame that my weight didn’t matter because I was just going to get pregnant anyways. Needless to say I gained all 20 back by the time I conceived 4.5 years later. Not only that but I had a bonus 10 to add to it.

I knew going into Sawyer’s pregnancy I needed to use my head and not have that whatever attitude. I did fairly well and ended with around a thirty pound gain. I came home with 20 of it still. More then I hoped. I lost another 10 in the first few weeks. I was left feeling defeated still weighing in at my heaviest non pregnant weight ever.

I told myself I had given birth to three amazing little boys and that was the price I paid. I told myself that if I had more time I’d be able to lose the weight. If I had a gym membership things would be different. Over the past 12 years I’ve told myself a lot of things but never the truth. We all have lifestyles that make doing things for ourselves difficult but the truth is that if you aren’t going to do anything about it why should anyone else care.

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I was making excuses and being lazy. I was finding other ways to fill my free time with things that I could be doing with my boys if I was just able to be more proactive. One day it just hit me and enough was enough. I was tired of the way I looked and I was tired with the way I felt. Not only was I overweight but I was neglecting the treatment of my psoriasis which only left me feeling more self conscious and more insecure.

Last month I decided to dust off my Joovy 360 stroller and take advantage of my gorgeous bike trails that are start just down the road to me. I started by walking a 20 minute mile. I’ve “tried” running in the past and was in complete belief that it wasn’t for me and that I couldn’t do it. That wasn’t true though. I wasn’t ready and I wasn’t there. I wasn’t strong enough to not take no for an answer and now just a month later I’m half walking half running a 12-14 minute mile. Is it great? No. Is it my best? Yup. That’s all the really matters too. I know if I keep it up and keep pushing through when it’s hard I’ll be running my full miles in no time.

me jogging stroller run trails

I am officially down 10 pounds and I’m on a mission to lose a minimum of 30 more. I’m currently the exact weight I was when I got preggers, minus one pound. One pound- but I’ll takeΒ  it.Β  I know it all won’t happen next week and I know it won’t be easy but I will do it. There’s no ending deadline although I o have a wedding in September. I’d love to be able to fit into a dress in my closet I’ve never worn before but I know I might be reaching high. For now I’m just going to keep running, riding my bike and doing my Jillian Michael’s DVD’s. What I won’t be doing is making more excuses. If you are old, have health issues, or just think you can’t do it you can. You just need to get up. You need to stop believing you can’t because you can. I don’t think I can – I know I will.

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Comments

  1. Maggie Mason says

    Great post and YOU CAN DO IT!

  2. Christina says

    You are doing AWESOME!!!!! Can’t wait to follow your progress πŸ™‚ I have a leg/knee injury right now and trying really hard not to slip up with my bad eating habits since I can’t run for a while. Its only been a week and a half, but I obviously am trying to push it too soon but I want to be up and moving (I walked the kids to school this morning, been in agony since!).

  3. Eileen says

    Jen, I can relate to the excuses, the voice in your head that says WHATEVER, or WHY or WHO CARES…it only seeps in when WE care enough about ourselves to do something proactive. I know this might sound backwards, but I think we as moms always put our families, our spouse, our kids and our HOUSE even…first. Someone told me once that as a mom we cannot shed love on others truly until we love ourselves and putting the time into make ourselves more healthy is only going to benefit our families. (And that does not always mean it is weight related.) We are all cheering for you, not only to work hard to lose weight you are not happy with, but to break out of that old mindset that no one cares about it…that you have taken the reigns back and are on a new path. Yeah girl!

  4. You CAN do it, I started my journey to a healthier me in January and I am down almost 30lbs and a whole bunch of inches and so I am here to tell you it can be done. Feel free and stop by I have been blogging my whole weightloss journey. I know together we can all do it.. Keep the Faith my friend

  5. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!

    I know how you feel. I hated being fat too – and that’s what it took to get me to MOVE. When I look down my nose at my body, I don’t feel nearly as big as I see myself when I look in the mirror. But when we’d be out and about, I’d see someone (I live in the fattest city in the US!) and say “I don’t want to look like that.” …. but it didn’t click until about a 7 months ago.

    Keep up the great work!

    • Jennifer says

      It’s so true! I see my reflection some times and think that can’t possibly be me because I often don’t feel I’m that fat person I see looking back at me.

      • Rebecca Orr says

        That I me! I don’t “feel” fat until I see a photo or I look in the mirror. The time I now! Thanks for the wonderful posy and inspiration Jennifer!

        • Rebecca Orr says

          Wow…so much for autocorrect! “is” and “post”. Lol

  6. Way to make yourself accountable to your readers! Great post πŸ™‚

  7. Cher says

    I am amazed at your willpower for walking! I am trying, I too gained pound after pound with my 3 kids. I hate dieting but walking I can do πŸ™‚

    • Jennifer says

      I don’t diet. I know I won’t stick to it. I try to eat healthy and make lifestyle changes that will stick with me.

      • Christina says

        Thats me too. I can’t “diet” but I can eat healthy because I actually love healthy foods and would prefer them over fried fatty (etc) foods. Sure I crave them once in a while… and I have “bad” days and days I allow myself to stray from healthy eating, but thats okay! As long as I am active, I can pretty much stay on track (I’d like to lose another 10lbs but I am happy with the progress I have made and will be okay as long as I can maintain while I have to limit my exercise and running). That and trying to find another way for a release, its been such a rough 2 years for me & my family…. running was my therapy, nothing clears my mind like running!

  8. Sarah says

    Good for you!! I too gain a lot of weight during pregnancies. This last one I only gained 40 but it was my third pregnancy and second one in two years, so it felt harder to lose. I am still not all the way there but I found a great company that is helping me. Along with diet and exercise I found It Works products, their wraps help to tighten. Tone and firm loose skin and ThermoFit helps burn extra calories along with protein shakes for only 100 calories!! It is awesome, take a look at website or I can send you some before and after pictures! My email is takecontrolnow.myitworks@gmail.com, keep up the hard work!

  9. Heidi Daily says

    You are off to a great start, and are inspiration to me to keep at it as I’ve just really started to get back into working out and being active. I’m considering trying the Jillian Michaels workout, I have always enjoyed the Tae Bo workouts, but have been considering the Jillian Michaels since you have been posting on Facebook about starting a group. Maybe I should go ahead and buy it now before I come with an excuse!

  10. Love that last quote. Go you! I’ve gained about 15 pounds over the last year since starting a new, stressful job. Last week I finally said – enough! I’m hitting the gym before work every morning for at least 20 minutes on the treadmill. Need to take my health back!

  11. I was just thinking the same thing before I started writing my own blog post. I just saw pictures of myself from Mother’s Day and a friend’s baby shower. Even though I have lost 10lbs since January and I just finished my first half-marathon 2 weeks ago, I still look fat. But we’re out there, doing it! I think you look great. I think walking/jogging a 12 minute mile is fabulous. That’s how long it takes me to run it, so you are ahead of me! I have found that running not only helps with my weight, but with my attitude, my stress, and all of my emotions! Keep on going, lady, you’ve got this!!!!

    • Jennifer says

      I feel it helps me release a lot too! Same with bike riding!

  12. Kathy says

    I think that many many moms and women are going through what you have written about. I gained weight with both of my pregnancies, and did not lose the weight like I thought I would. I never had issues with my weight before, and I just assumed that it would come off. It didn’t. I don’t enjoy exercising without a friend. I am a super picky eater, and I hate the idea of giving up the few foods I actually enjoy eating. I am doing what you wrote about doing: making excuses. I have thought about running. My brother does it for fun. Reading about you doing this is making me think maybe I can, too. Either way, I wish you the very best and I hope that you will continue to stick with this. Rock on!

    • Jennifer says

      I had Pizza last Friday, Red Robin on Sat. and IHOP Sunday. I’m by no means starving myself. Now I don’t always eat like that (we do have pizza every friday), during the week I stick to a lot of chicken on the grill with a steamed vegetable while the boys eat hamburgs & hot dogs. You can do this!
      Come join my facebook group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/137710969751202/?fref=ts

  13. lisa says

    Get and stay healthy because hospitals and docs are not fun and they are very expensive.

  14. Keep up the great work, some days may be harder than others but you can do it! πŸ™‚

  15. you got this girl! Trust me I didn’t think I could and did. Hit goal 2 weeks ago, by eating healthier ( I also don’t diet), exercise, lots of water and sleeping 7 hours per night. You are doing amazing, love following along on Facebook!!

    • Jennifer says

      You look great!! I wish I started when you did. You must be so glad to be there so soon! Maintaining it won’t be as hard to stay where you are. I really need to work on the sleep thing though!

      • Worked my butt off but truthfully didn’t think I’d be at goal by May. So happy though now to continue to tone and maintain which is hard as I’m still exercising so I had to up my calorie intake per meal to 500 and eat three 200 calorie snacks throughout the day. I feel like all I do is eat! But I have to so I don’t continue to lose. Yes sleep is important!!

  16. BTW: I also gained close to 70lbs with both kids so now how difficult it is getting the poundage to come off.

  17. Jess says

    You are doing AMAZING!!! Seriously seeing you instagram your running makes me want to get up and run…..okay walk since I’m preggo and would prob croak over dead if I tried to run but still you inspire me to get off my fat butt!

  18. Heather Robinson says

    Good job!! I never thought I could run a mile either. I would run a little and then just feel terrible and stop and walk. Finally one day I just did it – I slowed my pace but I did it! My first mile was over 13 minutes long but I finally got down to a little over 10 minutes. It finally got easier and I felt and still feel proud for doing it. And weddings are great motivations as well, my brother-in-law’s wedding was my motivation last September for finally getting my butt in gear and not only did I lose all my baby weight and then another 10 to get down to my first goal, I am now 5 pounds past that…something I didn’t think I would see again! You can do it!

    • Jennifer says

      The key really is going slower. It sounds odd but it is. It’s about endurance not speed.

  19. Good for you!! You’re doing awesome!! It’s great that you decided to do this for you and your health! Your pictures are fun, and you’ve got a beautiful area for your walk/runs!! Congratulations on the loss!! Keep it up mama!!

  20. I was just having the same thoughts about my body earlier today. I’m overweight and it’s because I make every excuse in the book. Thanks for the motivation. I wish you the best of luck.

  21. Love watching your accomplishment and determination in this journey.

  22. Janet W. says

    Good for you! Keep on and I bet you’ll be totally satisfied with the results! I bet the exercise will make you feel so much healthier. It gives me a boost thru the day, for sure.

  23. EJ (Jane) says

    Your raw honesty is inspiring, I need to get up & move as well

  24. Good luck Jennifer! I understand with being at that point… you need that breaking point to push you forward!

  25. I love this post, and you are doing fantastic – keep it up! 10 lbs is so awesome, good for you!

  26. I know exactly how you feel, and I’m on the same journey you are. I gain massive amounts of weight in my pregnancies too, and I’ve been through SEVEN of them. :/ Last year, I lost 40 pounds, and then got pregnant. I put every single one of those 40 pounds back on. Carly was born in February, and I’m now 15 pounds away from losing those 40 pounds again. Of course, that still puts me about 35 pounds over weight, but that will be my next goal. (One goal at a time, one step at a time.) I’m proud of you for putting it all out there. I KNOW you will be successful in your journey! We’ll all be here rooting you on!

  27. Carmen says

    Congratulations! I too tried many times in the past but something just wasn’t right. This year with the help of Sparkpeople and my Fitbit One and a lot of encouragement from those around me, something has finally “clicked”. I’m never going back. I’ve lost 7 pounds so far (and countless others to go). I’ve even taken up running myself by starting the Couch-to-5K program.

    • Jennifer says

      Try the RunKeeper App It’s by far my favorite!

  28. Eliza says

    First congratulations on so many things. #1 writing this post and hitting publish I know how hard that is. #2 losing any weight after giving birth #3 losing weight and sticking to the exercising it is so easy to just give up. I think getting into a habit will be the key thing. You rock! Now go get em. πŸ™‚

  29. I wish I had your strive and confidence. I also wish I could be walking along side of you, but soon. I’m getting this back looked at of mine, and then hopefully fixed. After that eat my dust cuz I’m so going to lose more weight & get back down where I use to be. Good luck my friend & you sound very positive & I know you’re going to do it and with Sawyer right there in front of you how can you lose? πŸ™‚

  30. Keara B. says

    You should be proud of yourself! Making a change, any change, can be hard, especially as a mother! I know from personal experience that it can sometimes be frustrating not to see immediate results, but every little step is worth it. You’re an inspiration and I wish you the best of luck on your journey. πŸ™‚

  31. Rachel C says

    Good for you!! Great post!
    I started doing the workout calendars on blogilates.com
    The instructor is so fun and motivating – I feel great when I do those videos πŸ™‚

  32. Tammy S says

    Congrats to you!! You are doing this for yourself. I think we all have to be the ones to really make the decision to change. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there like you did in this post. Kee p up the great work.

  33. Good for you! Keep up the great work. Every day you can get some exercise in if you make it a priority.

  34. Sarah L says

    For me it’s been swimming that’s doing me good. I have RA and the water helps my joints. What ever kinds of problems you have you can find and exercise that works for you. (I HATE running)

  35. Priscilla Benavides says

    My family is now complete with baby #4 at 6 weeks now I think it’s about time that I start looking into losing weight not only for better appearance but also so I can be fit and healthy. I would like by walking because I can’t run but I would eventually like to run and get used to it.

  36. Dianna @ oyveyaday says

    I, too, am working to lose some weight. I was overweight for most of my life – then, a few years back, I lost 60 lbs. Unfortunately, I’ve gained back 1/2 of it. To get me motivated, I am going to try to train for a half marathon. I am going to write about my training (or attempt at training). I look forward to following your journey, too.

  37. Debbie Welchert says

    What a great job your doing. I don’t know how many I’ll start on Monday I’ve said but it’s been a lot. I know I am just going to have to just do it. I have a stationary bike I’m going to start with. A little at a time is better than none at all.

  38. Rebecca Parsons says

    You had my attention on the title of the post. Good luck on your journey and hopefully I will catch the getting in shape fever.

  39. Debbie Welchert says

    Keep up the good work. You look great and thanks for the encouragement. I need it. I have a lot of weight to lose and I mean a lot and have health issues too. But I have been moving a little more and I’ve lost 20 pounds. It’s slow going but a least the scale is going down instead of up.

  40. sylvia says

    You’re looking great too! I am trying to lose weight myself, but so far have been unsuccessful. πŸ™ I’m going to keep trying though. I need to finish school and then I’ll have more time to commit to exercise. πŸ™‚

  41. June S. says

    (I’m sick of being fat.) I think your doing a great job, keep thinking positive about your goal and you will achieve it. Ever since I turned 40 my weight goes up and down like a yoyo. I guess it’s just a part of life. I have learned to try to keep active, I like taking long walks. It really helps.

  42. Shannon says

    I think that you doing great. I am proud of you!

  43. Dana Rodriguez says

    I think you are doing a fantastic job! You shouldn’t be hard on yourself.Just keep a good attitude πŸ™‚

  44. Debbie Welchert says

    You are doing so good. The last few sentences of your post hit the nail on the head with me. That sounds like just what I say. I have a bike trail across the street that I can take walks on. Now I just have to get up out of my chair and do it. Thanks…

  45. Paula C. says

    You are doing great! I feel the same way, I get tired, most lazy and unmotivated, and just don’t exercise. I didn’t use to be like that, but it seems like it is to overwhelming sometimes, then I give up. We all struggle with our weight, but we can do it, if we stay focused. I think you are doing great, and you just keep it up, you will be exactly where you want to be.! God Bless

  46. Jennifer says

    You’re doing a great job! One pound is one pound of butter less on your body! I have psoriatic arthritis, which often comes from psoriasis…..please look into this!! And the prednisone they put you on to treat the psoriasis works for the arthritis pain, but made me gain 70 lbs so I feel your pain. I try to remember how God looks at me, and my husband loves me for me, not for my body….which it sounds like your hubby does, too. You look great, I think……don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re a good mommy, obviously, too!

  47. I love jillian michael’s DVDs. They kick my butt too!

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