Monday Funny: Why you shouldn’t bring your child in a public restroom with you!

Hysterical Email I received:

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother’s restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we are in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It’s always fully cranked. There have been several embarrassing times that I’ve wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you’d been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:

”Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?”

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full … 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.

Cade continued: ”Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren’t you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh…Mommy! I’m trying to see In dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!”

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, ”Why don’t you look in Mommy’s purse and see if you can find some candy. We’ll both have some!”

”No, I’m trying to see doze more stinkies…Oh! Mommy!” He started to gag at this point.”Uh – oh, Mommy. I fink I’m gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!”

As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall.. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

”Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!” He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door. ”Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at? Mommy? You wooking at the wady’s feet?”

More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation. ”Mommy, it’s time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy.” He started pounding on the door. ”Mommy, don’t you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!”

I saw that my wait ’em out’ plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.

My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, where’s the fine print on the ‘motherhood contract’ where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy? But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I’d sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.


  1. TiLT says

    ROTFLOL!!! I can’t stop laughing!!!! That was SO funny! My son has been vocal with me in a public restroom…but nothing like that!

    Thanks for the much needed chuckle!

  2. niftyknits says

    oh oh oh oh – I just don’t know what to say! Fantastic story, thank you so much.

  3. Kitschy Coo says

    That’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever read! Thank you!

  4. Grammatically Delicious Designs says

    Hilarious! Don’t worry. Now that my kids are too old to be that cute, I enjoy it when others’ are.


  5. Beth says

    Oh, I’m laughing so hard I have tears running down my cheeks! I’m a mom of 7 (soon to be 8), but I will admit that I’ve never quite had THAT experience.

    I love the fact that the ladies applauded you. They were probably all other moms who were dying inside with you as they laughed!

    Isn’t it amazing what we go through for the incredible privilege of being a mom? 😀

  6. Jenn says

    Oh my god!! That is hysterical!! I have SO prayed for my 3yo to keep his mouth shut when we are in a public restroom…lucky for me the 1yo generally makes more noise and/or distracts him!!

  7. Split Rock Ranch says

    OMG! I laughed soooo hard I cried – and almost wet myself in the process. Don’t worry, it gets better. Except when they become teenagers, its a whole new ball game so be prepared!

  8. seasonsmom says

    Hysterical! You’ve got to have the guts and the sense of humor to share this with us! Bless ya!

  9. Sweet Surrender Candles says

    Adorable – thanks for sharing!

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