So we left off with me getting a full time job and getting my own place. I started working as a teller at a local bank. It was a good job with good pay. I had previously done some banking work so I was able to move up to Senior Teller after a few short months.
I was close to home and the biggest benefit was my hour long lunch. It gave me enough time to go to Johnny’s daycare and feed him lunch still everyday. I became super anxious with Johnny in someone else’s care.
I remember the first day I left him there. I started him there 6 weeks before I went back to work to ease both of us into it. The first week was 2 hours 2x a week. Week 2 was 3 hours 3x a week. I thought doing that would make it easier for both of us when the stay then became mandatory. The first morning I brought him in there he was around 9 months old. I came early so I didn’t have to drop and run and maybe that was the problem.
I brought him in the room and sat with him in the rocker. Finally the director came over and suggested she take him. I handed him over and he began to cry. I began to cry. She recommended that this is when I should leave. I walked out of the room and began to ball my eyes out. By the time I reached my car I just got in and sat there still crying. I was hyperventilating I was crying so hard. Then the director came out and asked me if I was okay to drive? What? Huh? Yes! I was mortified. Of course I could do this. I dried my eyes. Sucked it up. Went to work. I remember walking in and holding a frame for my desk with his pictures in it. I clutched it to my shirt like it was a part of me. I made it through all the introductions. Almost the whole first hour until someone stopped me and asked who was in the frame. I pulled it away and showed them my son. The tears started all over again and I had to excuse myself. After that I managed to deal with leaving him better.
As I worked full time I was now starting to be able to save up money and move out of my mother’s. In the same after a few months of space John & I had started talking again. After all we did have a child together. We were both able to step back and realize how life changing a child was for us. How neither of us had really dealt with it and it was just too much for us. We were kids having a kid. We knew we loved each other we just had to learn how that was going to work with our new lives.
We slowly began dating again. In secret. We didn’t tell anyone because we needed to do this ourselves. My family didn’t want me anywhere near him after I had my mental break down and his family I after knowing I had a mental break down.
We mainly saw each other at night once Johnny fell asleep because we knew it wasn’t okay to confuse him until we knew what we wanted.
About 6 month after working I had enough to get a place of my own saved. I looked everywhere. So many places wouldn’t accept me just because I had no references. How do you get references if you’ve never lived on your own???
I didn’t take long though. I found the most beautiful apartment and put a deposit on it before I even saw all the rooms. The kitchen was huge and that was all I had to see lol!
I was so excited to move in! I had my own room again. I had a nursery to decorate.
Now one thing I didn’t tell you was Johnny was sick. All the time. Always.
He had everything from ear infections to pneumonia to RSV.
We were in and out of the hospital on a regular basis. It was draining. I missed work frequently. After testing they realized Johnny had been born without a baseline immune system. As his body met each new germ he would get sick. I was told by the time he was 2 he would be healthy but it was hard to imagine as he was always so sick. Always missing school. Always making me miss work.
After a couple months on my own I looked into grants that were available to young moms. I applied for grants, financial aid, and decided to go back to school. In nursing.
When my 21st birthday rolled around I decided that I was going to quit that same day. This way I could party like a rockstar and not have to worry about work the next day (I sent Johnny to Daddy’s). I had lined up a part time banking job that would alternate with my college schedule and thought it would be a better road for me.
I went into work and let them know. It wasn’t fair to them. I was constantly calling out. Johnny was my first concern. Being a senior teller meant I was constantly handing codes and passwords to people due to my absences and had it been anyone else I would have lost my job due to my high absence rate. How do you fire the girl with the sick child?
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