Pregnancy Update 14 Weeks! Dr. Vs. MidWife Update {Cough} Worst OB Visit Ever!

The Second Trimester.

I can’t believe I’m already 14 weeks pregnant. I feel like it was just yesterday that I found out at 5 weeks.I’m officially out of every piece of clothing that has a button at the end. I’ve popped. I’ll get a picture by next week. In the maternity clothes I look more like five months instead of three and a half.

I think it’s a boy. I know, I know. I want a girl so badly, bu I think it’s a boy. I’m okay with that. Of course until I get my ultrasound I will be calling her a her. I refuse to call my baby ‘it”. Even if I’m getting it wrong. We have nothing for names as far as boys names go. I love Samuel David but Hubby can’t stand it. The only name we agree on is Delilah for a girl. At first it was one of those name that I said “oh, isn’t that cute!” and then went on to think, but could I really name my child that. Well, as of now the answer is yes, and it’s front running. The other name we like so far is Karleigh. I’m not fond any of the ways to spell it. No matter the font, penmanship, etc I don’t like the way it looks. My middle name is Leigh so I like the idea of including it. My hubby thinks if we use it to keep it as Carly.

As you know I’ve been struggling between having a Dr or a midwife. You can click there to get the full scoop.

I’ve made my choice. I want the midwife. I had my second appointment on Tuesday and I didn’t like the Dr at all. It was a female and the office has 3 females and 2 male Dr’s. I was concerned because I didn’t want a male. I’ve never had a male OB. Plus, I didn’t trust one of the female Dr’s. When Gavin was born that Dr was responsible for his circumcision. When he returned from having it done it didn’t look right. A few days later it looked worse. When the pediatrician saw it we were told to schedule an appointment with a pediatric surgeon.

It turns out because Gavin had been born breach with his legs stuck up his bottom area received a bunch of bumping and as a result was swollen. The Dr. should have waited until all the swelling went down before performing the circumcision. She didn’t. So now my poor baby had to wait until he was around a year old to redo it. They had him wait so he could handle going under better. To me having to go under is something I don’t take lightly. Adding in that he needed over 25 stitches around his who-ha just made it worse. I think no longer having trust in this impatient Dr. shouldn’t be taken lightly either.

But it was. The Dr. on Tuesday asked to hear my concerns. I let her know I didn’t trust the other Dr  (and why!) and what were my options if she was the Dr the night I went into labor. This Dr. simply looked at me and said “Well, if you think one of the other Dr.’s should have to come in on a night they aren’t scheduled just so you don’t have to deal with an issue from ages ago then you’re mistaken. I trust Dr. J and I know she’s an excellent Dr. You need to get over whatever it is that makes you think she’s incapable. Our outside lives are just as important as yours and we already give more then enough time to our patients here”. What? Really?

My response: “In reality I was asking Do I have the right to refuse? Is there a hospitalist on call that could do it? Is there a way of slowing labor down until the change of shift? I wasn’t asking for you to make me a special case. However while I do understand your personal life is your priority it is your job to make me feel as though I’m your priority and I feel like a hiccup along your day after this visit. Making an error that forces my 11 month old baby to have an unneeded surgery that he must go under and receive 25+ stitches is not an over reaction. I simply cannot ‘get over’ not trusting this Dr. ‘

This was also after having the joy of hearing my baby’s heart beat. I’d love to tell you what it was but honestly I have no clue. She found it fast and stopped just as fast. When I asked what the HR was her response was: The doppler doesn’t state it. And walked away. I wanted to say Oh you must be too lazy to count it then.

I left really upset and unhappy. I felt like I couldn’t have this Dr. understand me and if she was the Dr that I had when in labor she would just yell at me and boss me around. Hubby said I only want a midwife because I want someone there to hold my hand. Really though- what’s so wrong with that?

I met one of the midwives today. She was calm and peaceful to talk to. She answered all my questions and concerns and never once made me feel like I was wasting her time. I felt comfortable and I felt good. This is how I wanted to feel during the rest of my pregnancy and thd labor. This, is why I am switching offices.

About Jennifer

Jennifer, the mom behind the Mom Spotted blog, is located in Western Massachusetts. She has three boys, Johnny (17), Gavin (11), & Sawyer (5). She is happily married. On Mom Spotted you'll find a fun selection of recipes, family fun, product reviews, and more! You can also find her on twitter @MomSpotted and Facebook.



Comments

  1. With a doctor like that, I would run and run fast to the midwife. She sounds horrendous. And no, there’s nothing wrong with having someone there to hold your hand. Giving birth is one of the most stressful, scary and beautiful experiences you’ll ever have in your life, why wouldn’t you want someone that cares about you there to hold your hand through it?

  2. Stefanie says:

    Wow. She’s a charmer. Good call on the switch.

  3. Jenny says:

    I’m glad you found a midwife. That office sounds insane! That is not a way to talk to patients. Poor Gavin, that must have been awful for you to have go through.

  4. Linda says:

    Please don’t feel bad because u did nothing wrong. U just raised an honest concern (I wouldn’t want that Dr. anywhere my baby either), & not only was that Dr’s response insensitive but it was completely inappropriate. The birth of your baby is a special moment that u will never get back & it would be horrible to have to go through it with a Dr. who could care less about your feelings. If I were u, I’d report her!

  5. Uggg!!! I’m so happy you are switching.

  6. Heidi Daily says:

    OMG what a terrible experience for you! That is just awful, I am just in shock right now. I was very fortunate when I had my daughter that all the doctors in the practice were so nice some didn’t chat much during the visits but were all kind. My husband was really against me having a male doctor, until he met them, and until it was time to deliver. One of the male doctor’s from the practice was on when I went to labor and after some complications I had to I’ve an emergency c section and my husband said he was glad that we had the doctor we did and he felt complete comfortable and trusted the doctor when they took me out of the room. After that I got many compliment on how well I heal and what little of a scar I have. We moved about a half hour away but when it is time for baby number 2 I will be returning to the same doctors office even though there are closer doctors an hospitals.

  7. Susan says:

    If you are concerned about having an emergency section, consider researching other ob practices. I would absolutely steer clear of that one, but don’t be afraid to try someone else. Get some recommendations.

    And look into a doula!

    I’ve had 3 successful VBACs, all with doctors, but with a doula by my side each time (hubby was there, too, of course). A doula is a professional birthing assistant. Some are also certified midwives. Both of my doulas were calm, supporting, able to offer suggestions when things got hairy, and able to be an advocate for me and my needs during childbirth. Both met with me ahead to talk about my concerns and needs and both offered follow up visits. One of them even took birthing pictures for me (it was so awesome to have actual pictures of my daughter being born!). They both held my hand, walked with me while I was in labor, and so much more.

    My last two births were with very supportive docs. The first VBAC, ehh, not so supportive. My doula made all the difference.

    And if insurance won’t pay for the midwife, but will pay for the doc, having a doc and a doula could be a compromise. They are usually not covered by insurance, but the rate is hundreds of dollars instead of thousands.

    I understand your fears.

    • Jennifer says:

      Luckily even the midwifery has one Dr for the cases that turn into planned C sections. They told me that if I this baby turns into a section that no matter what one of them will still be in the room to hold my hand 🙂 That meant a lot to me. My mid wife stuck with me during my last Csection and at the time it was the only thing that kept me calm since I was so scared.

  8. Nichole T says:

    So sorry that you had a bad experience.

    As fast as names, something you can do with your middle name is add something else to it. A girl from a baby board that I was a part of years ago named her little girl – Everleigh. I have also heard Amberleigh, Annaleigh,and other variations. Hope you get your girl! :o)

    Best wishes!

  9. Amanda - mommyMandy says:

    wow…. So glad you got out of there.

    I have a midwife and I just love her. She doesn’t have a doppler like mine that gves the HR so she counts it, and it always matches waht I get at home.

    This part is about you and your baby, and you deserve to feel like your OB or MW at least gives a crap about you and not getting a pay check.

    So glad you got to hear your little one’s heart beat. and I hope you get your girl!

  10. Jaimin says:

    That is horrible! I go to a doc. and I absolutely love my doctor’s office. They go out of their way to make you feel comfortable and important (whether it’s your first or your 5th!). I’m glad you found someone that will make you feel comfortable whether it be a doc or a midwife.

  11. Heather says:

    Good for you for finding someone you trust! I can’t believe any doctor could be so cruel!!

  12. Katie Barrett says:

    Good for you!! I remember the RUSH of having my first.. I really felt like I was inconveniencing the Dr. and staff by having a baby! It was horrible.. like they just couldn’t wait to get it over with and get me out of there! I have had a midwife with the last five, and I am SO glad.. even with different midwives with each, I have never felt like I had to rush, or be done.. they always stayed and talked me through any questions or concerns.. and REALLY listened to what I had to say. That is why I am pushing SO hard for my 19 yr old step daughter to get a midwife… unfortunately we can’t switch our insurance at this point to one that allows midwives, but I think we found a dr that will do! :O) She spent quite a while with her the other day, answering questions and concerns, and I was actually very surprised that she was NOT a midwife. :O)

  13. mellisa @funsavingmoney says:

    Oh Jennifer, I am so sorry to hear about the way this Dr treated you today! She was completely out of line and it is her job to make you feel comfortable and safe. I too would have serious trust issues with anyone had that happened to my son in the hospital. You put your life and your childs life in these peoples hands and you should walk out of their office with confidence knowing everything will be ok, you shouldn’t have any doubts or concerns. I think its a GREAT call to switch to a midwife. 🙂

  14. Amy @ Marvelous Mommy says:

    First of all, I like both your girl names. I like Carly spelled with a “C” better but I really like names that end in -leigh. I liked the name Kayleigh but the hubby didn’t and we went with Haley (he didn’t like the spelling Haleigh either).

    Second, I can’t believe your drs office! I probably would have flipped!! Good call on the switch, I had a a midwife with both of my deliveries. I was induced with my first so I got to pick my midwife and the second was spontaneous but luckily very quick. They tried giving me Pitocin with my second and when I refused, she cocked an attitude. She basically told me I had one hour and I was getting it regardless! (They didn’t want to be up too late) Fortunately I delivered naturally within that time!

    I say go with your gut and you’ll be happy with your delivery no matter who is there with you!

  15. Mimi says:

    Oh my gosh, what a ridiculous experience. This Dr. should’ve listened to your concerns and taken them into consideration! I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. We waited 8 days for my son to have his circumcision. I hope all goes well with your midwife experience!

  16. Jennie A says:

    First of all… Girl, I would have been getting’ all kinds of crazy up in there! were talkin’ throw the pregnant woman in jail crazy! Talk about incompetence! It seems like those 2 Dr.’s are off there rockers! Unless your son is 57 that mistake wasn’t “ages” ago. I would be complaining to the Board.

    Secondly… I have had male Dr.’s for all 3 of my daughters births and the first one was a jerk, so with the birth of my second I switched to the man who delivered my 1st daughter. He was awesome (and really HOT). I used him with my last daughter too.

    He was kind, caring, sweet, induced me on my due date so I didn’t kill him or anyone else ( I was miserable pregnant). It just all depends on the Dr. Gender has nothing to do with it.

    Mid wives are awesome, and really supportive, and I am glad that you have found a great one. I hope everything goes well.

  17. Xmasdolly says:

    You have to go where you’re the most comfortable, and as long as it’s a healthy baby who cares if it’s a girl or boy, right? I’m sure whatever the baby is she’ll look wonderful in pink! Oops! Did I say that I mean the baby will look wonderful in pink! ~snicker-snicker~ Now I was pregnant five times and I had girl, boy, girl, boy, girl and believe it or not (and I didn’t do it intentionally I swear), it just happened that the maternity clothes I got when I had a girl were mostly blue that I wore and of course opposite when I had a boy, and if you ever want to hear about old wives tales my gramma had a bunch of them I’ll tell you some. LOL Also, did I read or hear some place you were doing a water birth? Well, be happy. Be healthy and gramma use to say if you have a craving you better satisfy it or the baby we’ll be born with its tongue hanging out. LOL That was my fourth baby. I had a boy & that child couldn’t get enough to eat & it was probably because I couldn’t get enough juice. Have a great weekend mama!!!

  18. Melissa says:

    Wow, I just can’t believe that was her response to you. How unprofessional and uncaring! I don’t blame you at all for switching. I am almost 12 weeks pregnant with my first and I can’t imagine having to go through what you went through with your little guy. Good luck with your midwife!

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